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Sex Nerd: Do you know when you want it? - Open Knowledge — LiveJournal

May. 11th, 2010

09:29 am - Sex Nerd: Do you know when you want it?

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Female sexual response is typically characterized by “responsive desire,” while male sexual response is more likely characterized by “spontaneous desire.” (I’m going for biological categories rather than social categories here because the research is based on male- and female-bodied people, without reference to social role.)

“Responsive desire” is when motivation to have sex begins AFTER sexual behavior has started. As in, you’re doing something else when your partner comes over and starts kissin’ on ya, and you go, “Oh yeah! That’s a good idea!” Or you and your partner set aside Friday night as Sex Night, and then Sex Night gets here and you’re like, “Oh, Sex Night. But I’m so tired…” But you made a deal, so you get started… and before long you’ve forgotten you were tired.

This is contrasted with “spontaneous” desire, more typical of male sexuality, which works more like this: you’re walking down the street and for no immediately obvious reason you think, “Hm. I’d like to have sex!” Or you’re taking a shower getting ready for bed and you think, “Hm. I’d like to have sex!”

Regardless of what body or identity you have, if you’re more of a “responsive” desire person you might have worried that your interest in sex was abnormally low – worrying about how much we do or don’t want sex is something we’ve been well-trained to do. Indeed, so many people have asked me how often they’re “supposed to want sex,” I’ve started looking for a memorable, funny stock answer that gently illustrates the absurdity of the question.

via enagoski.wordpress.com

This is a great blog. Be sure to check out her other posts.

Posted via web from crasch's posterous

Comments:

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From:writerspleasure
Date:May 12th, 2010 08:20 am (UTC)
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this is one of the most horridly wrenching things i've ever read - and i thank you for it. my life is quite literally changed, and i'm not being hyperbolic.

( by way of explanation, from a chat log with beth: what attracts me to people has been, in my mind, precisely *not* a "responsive sexuality" in the sense used there. i've relied on womens' self-presentations as well as on the overall cultural vibe that women are more active in their sexualities and so on. and the sexual "fading" i've observed after NRE has bedevilled me, absolutely bedevilled me and driven sometimes furious or mad - b because what attracts is precisely the sense that i'm being met with in some way an equal passion, one as unwavering as mine. and it upsets me to realize that this makes sense of the phenomena i've experienced. and it puts me into a place i really don't want to be: because waveringness does not excite my unwaveringness. )
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From:crasch
Date:May 12th, 2010 06:11 pm (UTC)
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Glad you found it useful!
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