crasch (crasch) wrote,

Kill Bill, Vol. I rant

So I finally saw Kill Bill, Vol. I....

I love to see action films in which the characters abide by the laws of physics/physiology, there are no internal inconsistencies, and characters actually do things for logical reasons.

Kill Bill, Vol. I is not that movie. Yes, I know that it's intended as a live-action Manga strip/homage to '70's chop-socky kung fu movies. But it still bugs me.

* When did airlines begin allowing you to carry giant samurai swords on-board? Even before 09/11, I think it's something they'd frown upon.

* Why was she still driving the "Pussy Wagon"? It's not exactly an inconspicuous car, and when the body of the orderly and his pal were found, you can bet that there was an apb out for it.

* You know the scene--our hero slashes the villian, and at first, it appears nothing has happened. Maybe the villain even smiles or talks. Then the villian's head falls off/torso falls off/body collapses into small chunks. Okay, maybe it was cool the first time. But by now, it's cliche--Star Wars/EP1, Resident Evil, The Cube, Underworld, Ghost Ship--all of them have that scene (and probably many others that I'm forgetting at the moment). Note to Quentin Tarantino--it's impossible make complex sentences with a missing frontal cortex. Also, the brain gets 30% of the body's blood supply--you cut the top of someone's head off, and you're gonna get blood everywhere.

* I understand that samurai swords are cool and all, but surely someone in the yakuza owns a gun?

* Where were the Japanese police? If a crowd of people comes out screaming that a blond woman just hacked off someone's arm, you'd think that the police would've sent someone over.

* Goddamnit, if your enemy collapses to the ground, hurry up and finish him/her off. Don't stand there waiting for her to get up again.

* After four years in a coma, it's highly unlikely that anyone would be strong enough to kill two burly men with his/her bare hands immediately after waking up.

* For that matter, why didn't she just get a gun? A Glock 30 is going to be more effective than any sword, Hattori Hanzai steel or no.

* Gorgeous, tall asian women dressed in cherry red spandex body suits are going to be noticed. Same for 6 ft. tall statuesque blond nurses with eye-patches. For once, I'd like to see an assassin who looks like a dumpy diner waitress.
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