April 3rd, 2012

bswing

Should you play hard to get?

Originally published at craschworks. You can comment here or there.

Some good thoughts on playing hard to get:

“If I have to play games to “hook” someone, or vice versa, then he isn’t the fish for me, plain and simple. If two people are genuinely into each other, neither will consider the other TOO available.

Now I wouldn’t break any previous plans I had already made if someone I was interested in called me and wanted to do something, but I’m not going to play by the old “The Rules” book that states there has to be at least 3 days notice. There are times I have no idea what my schedule is going to be like, and will call someone that day to see if they want to get together, be it a woman friend or man friend. I suppose if it happened on a consistent basis, that a man NEVER made plans in advance with me, I’d question it. But I’d be more apt to drop him, than attempt to play some silly game, thinking if I made him wait a few days, he’d be more into me…..nah, too much work, I prefer my books open and readable.”

If someone is into you, they’ll want to spend time with you too. If they don’t like you, how available you are is irrelevant.  You don’t care how available the bag lady at the bus stop is, do you?  

You’ll know if they’re into you if they reciprocate your bids for connection in roughly equal measure.  For example, suppose you ask someone out and they’ve already made plans for the evening.  Someone who is into you will offer to meet with you at another time and place.  If you call, they will call you back in a reasonable amount of time.  If they don’t reciprocate, after one or two bids on your part, they’re not into you.  

If the person you want isn’t responding, it’s because you don’t offer sufficient value to them, relative to the other options they have available.  Therefore, you must either find someone who wants what you offer or increase your value on the dimensions the person you want cares about.

In most cases, increasing your value takes time and effort (fitness, wealth, charm), and some things you not be able to change at all (height, gender, age).   Therefore, continuously improve yourself, so that when you do have the opportunity to win over someone you like, they will recognize your value.  In the meantime, look for those who value what you have now.  Playing hard to get is simply a waste of time.