April 7th, 2003


(Smart-Ass) Instructions for Life

Matthew White annotations on one of those smarmy "life lessons" forwards. I think we can all learn something from him.


1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. (Especially when giving them grief.)
2. Memorize your favorite poem. (Teach foreigners the theme song to your favorite TV show and tell them it's a traditional American folk song about a fabled three hour tour.)
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. (But all-you-can-eat is okay.)
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it. (...mean it as "I need regular sex and someone to listen to my problems at all hours of the night, and occasionally bail me out of jail, so you'll do until someone better comes along.")
5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye. (People will believe _anything_ if you look them in the eye.)
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. (Heck, be engaged at least six _times_ before you get married.)
7. Believe in love at first sight. (Believe in leprechauns, for that matter.)
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams(, unless they're, like, really, really stupid dreams).
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely(, unless it kills you).
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling(, you dickweed).

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