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My Onion Personal Ad - Open Knowledge — LiveJournal

Jul. 5th, 2003

06:12 pm - My Onion Personal Ad

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Since this whole "internet thing" appears to be here to stay, I've decided to take the leap into internet dating. So those of you out there who may have been thinking--"How can I get into crasch's pants?"--now's your chance!

Comments:

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From:nakedsockpuppet
Date:July 5th, 2003 03:25 pm (UTC)

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Your profile is wonderful!!! hehehe. I had a good chuckle at the "Holy Bible by God" addition...(since it is what I study and write about most, while being anti-organized religion myself..*evil grin*)

You are brave...
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From:crasch
Date:July 5th, 2003 03:39 pm (UTC)
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Thanks!

Brave? You obviously haven't seen me discover an earwig in my bed.

Why do you study the Bible?
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From:tinymammoth
Date:July 5th, 2003 03:31 pm (UTC)
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I've met David Friedman, and I've got to admit, he's really, really not sexy. But I appreciate the sentiment, even though I'm really more of a Milton Friedman kind of girl myself.
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From:crasch
Date:July 5th, 2003 03:38 pm (UTC)
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I like my economists squat and balding.

Milton Friedman's sexy too.
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From:kimber
Date:July 5th, 2003 03:33 pm (UTC)
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That is the funniest profile- good luck :)
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From:crasch
Date:July 5th, 2003 03:38 pm (UTC)
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Thanks!
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From:troyworks
Date:July 5th, 2003 03:52 pm (UTC)
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Good to see ya face again. I didn't realize you were in NC? I thought you were in Austin/Texas or something.

The onion/springstreet networks does have some of the highest quality people on the net (aside from yourself and myself ).

I did get a kick out of your profile...heh on par with mine in witty banter ;)


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From:crasch
Date:July 5th, 2003 04:15 pm (UTC)
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Well, but of course, only the highest calibre people are on the Springstreet network. Truly.

That said,

"My witty banter's better than yours! Nyah. Nyah!"
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From:waitingforoct
Date:July 5th, 2003 03:56 pm (UTC)
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Excellent. I sent your profile to my little sister. She is desparately seeking a smart guy. However, she lives in Jersey.
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From:crasch
Date:July 5th, 2003 04:12 pm (UTC)
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Thanks! Smart guy, eh? Hmmm....she should know that I watched and enjoyed "Dumb and Dumber." Don't want her expectations to get too high...

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From:slow_century
Date:July 5th, 2003 04:03 pm (UTC)
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Little Shop of Horrors Soundtrack?

Yikes, I was right there with you until that...:)

-p.
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From:crasch
Date:July 5th, 2003 04:10 pm (UTC)
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Aw, I ask you, what could be sexier than a song about sadistic dentist's love for his mother? Good thing you didn't see the "sexy, sexier" bit.

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From:serratia
Date:July 5th, 2003 04:14 pm (UTC)

Oh my gawd...

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If only I were ten years younger...and single...

sigh
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From:crasch
Date:July 5th, 2003 04:28 pm (UTC)

Re: Oh my gawd...

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Aw, thanks! :>
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From:maninblack
Date:July 5th, 2003 04:27 pm (UTC)
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Great profile...

You know maybe there's something to that LJ match quiz after all. Judging from your profile, I think I may very well be your long lost evil twin. Just take crasch and remove all the redeeming social virtues and the desire to procreate...

Except one thing.... David Friedman sexy? You've seen him, right? Dude. Duuuuuuuude. Scary. :P

Good luck, Chris. For obvious selfish reasons, I'm hoping your experiment is a resounding success.
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From:crasch
Date:July 5th, 2003 04:37 pm (UTC)
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My social virtues? Who's been spreading these wild rumors?

You know who Ron Jeremy is, right? Knicknamed "The Hedgehog." Yet he's slept with thousands of gorgeous women. Henry Kissinger? Babe magnet. David Friedman's got the same charisma.

No desire to reproduce? That's a shame. All the good DNA is evaporating from the gene pool.

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From:crayondisaster
Date:July 5th, 2003 04:47 pm (UTC)
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Yes!! You win!!
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From:crasch
Date:July 5th, 2003 05:06 pm (UTC)
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Yay! I won! I won!

Wait a minute...you're not with the "Biggest Dork on the Internet" prize committee again are you?
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From:mary919
Date:July 5th, 2003 06:34 pm (UTC)

28 days from the magic birthday...

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Oh alright... you're just cute as a bug aren't you? You DO need to up your age limit though... don't you know that women aren't ready for true actually jungle monkey sex until the minute they turn 43? Many of us even come with pre-assembled children. And once I do something about this husband of mine we'll have all that insurance money...

Great great ad. Good luck... she's a lucky young thang...

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From:crasch
Date:July 5th, 2003 07:53 pm (UTC)

Re: 28 days from the magic birthday...

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Ooh, insurance money. I always awanted to be a "kept" man.

As for the age > 43 = lot's o' jungle monkey sex, I have to agree with you. I dated a 43 year old woman when I was 27, and boy, she tuckered me out.

I like pre-assembled children, but I'd like to have at least one of my own. I'd just like to see what me and my mate's DNA smushed together would be like. Also, I want to brainwash my kid(s), and it's easier if one starts with a blank slate.

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From:chelchik
Date:July 5th, 2003 09:08 pm (UTC)
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a crinkled copy of "How to be the Jerk that Women Love!

And here I thought burned all copies made of that book. ;)

Great personals ad. :)
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From:crasch
Date:July 6th, 2003 02:04 am (UTC)
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Burn!?! That book is my bible! I owe all my success with women to that book.
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From:allisten
Date:July 6th, 2003 07:29 am (UTC)
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Whoa! I think I've found my match.
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From:crasch
Date:July 6th, 2003 02:12 pm (UTC)
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Congratulations! But are you ready for the "guantlet of crasch's eccentricities?"
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From:goldenfyre
Date:July 6th, 2003 03:44 pm (UTC)
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Excellent. If ya lived closer to Seattle, I'd give you a ring. Intriguing, in a vaguely geeky and Vanilla Sky type-o-way...
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From:crasch
Date:July 6th, 2003 04:02 pm (UTC)
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You mean like intriguing like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky? I'm glad you noticed! Wait a minute...did you mean Tom Cruise pre or post facial disfigurement?

_Vaguely_ geeky? Girl, I'm a full-on, balls out, prime grade-A geek.


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From:lemonhd
Date:July 6th, 2003 06:03 pm (UTC)
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*faint*
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From:crasch
Date:July 6th, 2003 08:53 pm (UTC)
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And you haven't even seen me naked yet!
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From:chutzpahgirl
Date:July 7th, 2003 11:46 am (UTC)
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Love your Hayek references.
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From:crasch
Date:July 8th, 2003 01:59 pm (UTC)
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Thanks! I wonder if Selma is related somehow to Friedrich....
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