?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Should you play hard to get? - Open Knowledge — LiveJournal

Apr. 3rd, 2012

10:08 am - Should you play hard to get?

Previous Entry Share Next Entry

Originally published at craschworks. You can comment here or there.

Some good thoughts on playing hard to get:

“If I have to play games to “hook” someone, or vice versa, then he isn’t the fish for me, plain and simple. If two people are genuinely into each other, neither will consider the other TOO available.

Now I wouldn’t break any previous plans I had already made if someone I was interested in called me and wanted to do something, but I’m not going to play by the old “The Rules” book that states there has to be at least 3 days notice. There are times I have no idea what my schedule is going to be like, and will call someone that day to see if they want to get together, be it a woman friend or man friend. I suppose if it happened on a consistent basis, that a man NEVER made plans in advance with me, I’d question it. But I’d be more apt to drop him, than attempt to play some silly game, thinking if I made him wait a few days, he’d be more into me…..nah, too much work, I prefer my books open and readable.”

If someone is into you, they’ll want to spend time with you too. If they don’t like you, how available you are is irrelevant.  You don’t care how available the bag lady at the bus stop is, do you?  

You’ll know if they’re into you if they reciprocate your bids for connection in roughly equal measure.  For example, suppose you ask someone out and they’ve already made plans for the evening.  Someone who is into you will offer to meet with you at another time and place.  If you call, they will call you back in a reasonable amount of time.  If they don’t reciprocate, after one or two bids on your part, they’re not into you.  

If the person you want isn’t responding, it’s because you don’t offer sufficient value to them, relative to the other options they have available.  Therefore, you must either find someone who wants what you offer or increase your value on the dimensions the person you want cares about.

In most cases, increasing your value takes time and effort (fitness, wealth, charm), and some things you not be able to change at all (height, gender, age).   Therefore, continuously improve yourself, so that when you do have the opportunity to win over someone you like, they will recognize your value.  In the meantime, look for those who value what you have now.  Playing hard to get is simply a waste of time. 

Comments:

(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:istar
Date:April 3rd, 2012 06:35 pm (UTC)
(Link)
It's SEO for dating! Gotta increase the conversion rate! Provide lots of things for first-time visitors to click on!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]
From:crasch
Date:April 3rd, 2012 07:34 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Sock the monkey!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]
From:crasch
Date:April 3rd, 2012 07:04 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Interesting. How does the phrase "increase your value" creep you out? How would you phrase it?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:crasch
Date:April 3rd, 2012 10:42 pm (UTC)
(Link)
So how would you phrase it?

Don't you love your man because of the value he brings into your life? Is your love indifferent to his virtues? Would you love him equally as much if he were a low-IQ, boil-infested hobo, instead of smart, athletic, and brave? [Edited to remove personal details.]

Edited at 2012-04-03 10:47 pm (UTC)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:crasch
Date:April 4th, 2012 08:07 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thanks for the response!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]
From:pasquin
Date:April 4th, 2012 01:09 am (UTC)
(Link)
If she's not into you, hard to get doesn't matter. Artificial scarcity (which is what HTG is) will increase the perception of value, if there's attraction to start.

There's a reason advertisers describe products as limited edition, quantities are limited: because it works.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]
From:gentlemaitresse
Date:April 4th, 2012 03:43 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Yes, this was essentially what I wanted to say.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]
From:duckierose
Date:April 4th, 2012 03:50 am (UTC)
(Link)
In the same vein, if someone isn't into you, portraying yourself as clingy and needy, and pressing the issue is not going to increase your value to them. Something that's really hard to realize when the person who was interested in you is losing interest, but you're not.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]
From:crasch
Date:April 4th, 2012 07:52 am (UTC)
(Link)
Yep.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]
From:gentlemaitresse
Date:April 4th, 2012 03:44 pm (UTC)
(Link)
So very, very true. It's easy to think that if they once were very interested then they'll care about your hurt feelings and adjust accordingly. But if they are losing interest, acting needy is just going to push them away faster.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)